At this point I have seen The Hobbit twice. While it doesn’t seem to me to be all that accurate to the book, I’m still enjoying it quite a bit. Of my three major complaints, two are really very minor. (Kili needs more beard, and why the hell is Thranduil riding a moose?)
Since there is a goblin king in this movie, this led my friends and I to discuss how we would have preferred Jareth, especially since David Bowie had tried out for the part of Elrond in The Fellowship of the Ring. (While I think he probably could have been a good Elrond, I think Hugo Weaving is probably even better.) This, in turn, led one of us (not me) to make this animated GIF:
Don’t worry, there are no movie spoilers in it. It only cycles once, and the timing on the text frames is intentionally long to make sure there’s enough time to read them.
While driving we started joking about a Hobbit parody to Dance Magic from Labyrinth. It had to be written. Actually, it more or less wrote itself.
Please imagine Elrond singing this with a backup chorus of dwarves while dancing and kicking Hobbits.
This reminds me of the Ring.
The Ring of Power.
The power of ruling.
This reminds me of the Ring!
I saw a Gollum cryin’ hard as he could cry.
What could he do?
His Precious long had gone and left poor Gollum blue!
Who took the Precious far from you?
Orcs or Dwarves?
Or maybe Horse-lords?
Elveses or Halflings?
And Gollum said: “Shire! Baggins!”
Run, Baggins, run!
Jump, Baggins, jump!
Get that magic Ring today!
Grab that Baggins, make him pay!
I saw a Dwarf-prince tryin’ hard as he could try.
What should he do?
His people’s home was gone and left poor Thorin blue!
How will you get revenge today?
Axe or sword?
Or a garrotte cord?
Fire or magic?
And Thorin said: “…”**
Run, dragon, run!
Jump, dragon, jump!
Win your kingdom back today!
Kill that dragon, make him pay!
*to cry plaintively; whimper
**I consulted many nerds, and none of us could think of something characteristically Thorin that he could say in four or five syllables max. So he remains stoically silent. If you have an idea, please let me know.
I wanted it to be “the power to conquer,” but do you know what rhymes with conquer? Yonker. I don’t see any scenario in which that works.